What you need to know and what I need to write

I know absolutely nothing about horses. (don't know much about anything really but more about that later) Not that I haven't tried. But as Yoda says to Skywalker, "Do or don't do, there is no try." So I have been "not doing" with horses for a lot of my life. I should not even have them but they are like husbands once you have one (or two or three or four) they are really hard to get rid of. I don't want to get rid of them...I'm just saying...if you did. If you have any sense of their dignity and beauty and grandeur, as a good steward you can not just dump them. You know their pain and don't want to contribute to it. So, I for one, persevere.

I have been to many trainers and have at times in my life for years had 3-5 dressage lessons a week. I still can't ride a step. Sometimes it makes me so angry I would like to litigate. Who do you sue for taking your money and scaring you half out of your ability to hold your bowels three times a week for years? Who do you sue when you have been told you have a mental problem because you can't ride a horse with a 20' canter stride forward and over fences? Who, I ask you? I moved on over and over. And still after years of abuse I love the horses. I can see you can relate to this. (if you are interested my brief story it is in the August Savvy times 2009)

Not knowing anything about horses makes me so nervous because I have signed up for the Fast Track Program. I call it the Nerve Wrack program because I have such anxiety over it. I had too. I, like you have limited dollars to spend on horses. I have already taken the other courses offered. I also have visions of professional status someday...someday...someday. When I follow the other blogs I practically heave with nerves because I can't do any of the tasks they are being asked to do. Yipes, but I have no trouble looking foolish and it is essential to put yourself in a feeling of disequilibrium in order to move out of that state. I would still be crawling around on all fours if I couldn't tolerate it. So would you.

It is 92 days until I leave for Sunny Pagosa Springs Colorado. I live for it. I have never lived for anything. You might call me a late bloomer, but now I have had the beautiful experience of obsession! I wish it for all I love. Night and day and day and night I plan and plot my way to Colorado. I have a box on the lower level where I pack and repack. I have had my tickets for 4 months now. Next month I get to rent the car after that I begin to search for shipping for my dear Bunnee.

Oh yeah, Bunnee the star of the show. The star of all shows. Bunnee is a branded Oldenburg Warmblood Mare. She is eight years old and I have known her all her life but she came to live with me just a year ago when her previous steward was selling her because of the economy. She had gotten in to a trainer for fees and such. She loved my way with the horses and asked if I would take her. I already had three horses but my Levels horse was very old and had started to get a little hitch in his giddyup. So, she came to me. She came to me with very little baggage. Her steward was a 15 year old girl with talent and grace and compassion. She did good things for her.

Bunnee is not her name. Her name is Wradell which sounds to me like she just walked out of the back of a trailer after having given birth at the prom. "Hey Wradell, maw says git rid of all them babies in the trailer, they makin' too much noise." See what I mean? So I don't call her that. I am even going to officially change her name...once I get one. Her grace and elegance, beauty and largess begs for grandeur but her status of a horse and my ignorance reminds me we should be humble. After all it is no credit to either of us that she was born beautiful. That is actually pretty easy to do. We started with Parelli together in May of 2009. I have only been practicing and pursuing since August of 2008. I promised you in my intro that I would not romanticize or use hyperbole in describing my experiences, but in all truth without exaggeration my life and my ability and relationship with horses was profoundly changed the day I first held my first Carrot Stick (TM) and string.

More later. More about the freedom of knowing nothing. More about fear and its' consequences, more about the addiction of anticipation....more, more, more.